An only child…. A cruel choice???

I read an article this morning which shocked me  by the accusations and took my breath away, for the wrong reasons.  The article was written by Caroline Jones and titled – see attached for a better read.

Caroline’s been called selfish, lazy and cruel. Her crime? Wanting only ONE child!

I have to admit I was quite taken back initially but when I re- read the article, I understood the dilemma that mums and families are facing in the current modern times.

Why should a mother be considered selfish because her decision lies in having just the one child! Surely this is a decision that only the couple or mother are entitled to make and outside influences from peers need to be a point of no further discussion.

We all know that in the older times, not quite so ancient yet, it was a common norm for families to be in large multiples and “an only” child was unheard of. However if we are moving along with times, and are venturing in the 21st century, then we surely need to understand and embrace the challenges that  the modern world brings to many a family. Where the concept that a child needs to brought into the world through a real desire for one is a far more dominating force rather than to “fit in” with the so-called rules of society. Surely emotional blackmailing a mother into having more children is not the way forward in any modern thinking world and society!

Yes yes yes, we have all heard the famous regurgitated words “but it’s such a lonely way to bring up your child” and “it’s not fair that your child won’t have anyone when they are older”. People will never stop saying it until they are blue in the face and they can continue to do so as far as I’m concerned.

It’s a personal choice really, but the ever-growing demands that are being placed on single mothers or those in relationships sometimes outweigh the choice of having that second baby.

Better education and usually private education, saving for universities, fabulous holidays, pursuing careers, wanting to explore better options in life, maintaining current high lifestyles, not wanting to go through all the baby stuff too late in life, financial restrictions, child care commitments, attention toward your partner, sleepless nights again, sibling rivalry, maternity leave options, health related issues for the mother… and the list can go on for reasons not to want to have another.

My point in this is simply this: those who want to expand their family OR those who are satisfied with just the one; both sides need to make decisions based on their personal circumstances, personal choices and personal decisions. Why should either party be condemned or labelled inappropriately for such emotive and sensitive issues by a society who is only happy to point a finger, but would not necessarily raise a finger in helping a mother to make or live through this “all so important” decision in life.

We are so pre conditioned into thinking what is normal and what is not. What is the so-called “proper” thing to do and what is considered inappropriate by other people and end up making decisions that leave a lot of regret and despair in our lives.

Being a mother of an only child myself was a conscious well thought out reason in my personal circumstances for example. However should I ever wish to have a second would be entirely a choice that my partner and I would make. Being influenced or coerced into such an important decision in our life is simply not an option.

Life can not always be led by following trends. Unless your heart and soul are in the decision, such an important part of your life cannot be taken lightly.

So lets stop branding all these women with silly remarks and stop making them objects of such awful names and characterisations. Really so not needed!! Well done to Caroline Jones for speaking up for herself and making a representation of what she stands for. If it’s a crime to think rationally before making a leap, then so be it. We are all criminals in the making I guess!!!



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