He who beats his wife is no man!!!

Slap. Bam. Crack. Thump. Slam. Push.

I have always wondered what goes on in the mind of the perpetrator. What tips them over that edge. What really makes them snap. What is that final straw that drives one to lose senses of their control and a hand that has always been used to caress, to love, to offer warmth becomes a cruel, twisted weapon?

The statistics for domestic abuse are at an all time high and it’s not only in the UK, but a disease that is spreading in many a civilised country around the world. It’s not a disease that inflicts only the male population but one that also hits the female. So many are guilty of inflicting this pain on the person whom they consider their loved one.

Lets look at some statistics in the UK alone.

1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime – many of these on a number of occasions.

One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute.

On average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or former male partner. Whilst most victims of domestic abuse are women, statistics also say that one in every six men are victims of domestic abuse.

Thanks to Aamir khans show, Satyamev Jayate, this face of evil was clearly depicted for the nation to see and cringe at how prevalent it is in our asian society!

So what is this saying about the world we are inhabiting? To me it clearly screams out one thing predominantly. That we, as human beings, have lost the ability to understand. Lost the ability to control the demons of our anger that rise within and use our loved ones as a punch bag.

Does forgiveness play a part of acceptance in the eyes of the victim? Can the victim who puts her faith and trust in her partner truly learn to forgive her husband after he has vented his anger out on her numerous times? I find it so hard to believe that one can indeed do that.  A woman who leaves the protective confines of her home where her upbringing has been surrounded with intense love, laughter and freedom suddenly finds herself a prisoner in the walls of her new wedded home, is a sad heart wrenching transition that has become a stark reality in many a womans life.

In my opinion, there is no defense for this poor excuse of violence. Anger is an emotion that inhabits us all; none of us can escape its claws. But to let that anger explode in a physical manifestation on someone you claim to love, to raise that hand and inflict pain on the woman who has given up her all to be with you is the ultimate breakdown of character and no amount of apologies can ease the pain. The physical scars heal but the emotional scars remain as the victim becomes a shell of her former self. How can the victims eyes then look up confidently again is a challenge in itself. How can the heart that has been shattered be pieced together to learn to love again? It’s so difficult. To add salt to the wounds, beyond the physical violence is the universe of constant verbal abuse that is inflicted on the victim to degrade her to a level of no self-respect and attacking the mind. The swearing, the accusations, each word hits the soul like a hammer. Words that cannot be retracted. Physical turns emotional and the cycle in never-ending.

It’s a vital fact that the woman needs to understand in todays times which is eitther learn to achieve some sort of independence so as to be able to move away from the traps with your children when the violence escalates, rather than accepting this form of unacceptable existence or go and seek help without fear.  Help from parents, from friends or from any third-party who is willing to listen and support. To  suffer in silence is not the sign of being a devoted wife but a curse and the wrong role model to provide your children. The suffering passes on from the victim wife or partner to the children who become prisoners themselves within their thoughts and depressed ideations. A vicious cycle has started with no ending. Just constant circling looking for a way out.  Anything can be better than having to live under the thumb of a narrow-minded, egoistic and arrogant partner, who asserts his rights on his wife or partner, confusing his manhood with a distorted macho image in his mind. A real man would only raIse his hand in blessing. Never in a curse.

Now if only more women could allow that courage to take that first step forward and prove to other victims that there is a way out of the chakravyu (trap of no return). The sad fact that alot of them just dont take that first step.



  1. Domestic abuse is such a complex issue. On paper it should be black and white but it rarely is. It’s terrible. I think I would be heartbroken if someone I trusted and loved, could turn around and strike me. I read a terrible statistic years ago, that a woman on average will be assaulted thirty times before she leaves a violent partner. I wonder if that number is still the same?


  2. The most horrific fact which makes my heart sink is when the woman carries on taking it for so many years. In fact for many woman they dont know any different and this manner of life becomes a norm. Thats whats so scary? Youre right, this is such a grey area!


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